2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

I do not regret the things that I have done; only those which I did not do.

Amen.

9:38 AM | allison | # |

Dude, check out my horoscope today - it is sooooo right on. No wonder I believe in fate and the way of the stars.

You are likely to be heralded for your independent, unique nature, dear Aquarius. Do not let this spirit die or become watered down by someone else's idea of who you should be or how you should act. There is a wonderfully lighthearted, upbeat spirit to the day that is encouraging you to go with the flow and just have a good time, regardless of whom you are with. These doctors orders should not be hard to follow, so do not fight them; run with them.

And just in case anyone is wondering, I'm still looking for that cape. I really, really want to throw some Jell-O filled water balloons. Doesn't that sound like fun?!

8:09 AM | allison | # |

I need a cape. Not a coat kind of cape, but a real cape, like super-heros wear. I need one so I can pin it to my t-shirt and be Super Office Girl. I'll fly around the office and dive-bomb ineffective supervisors and horribly under-achieving managers. I'll drop lime Jell-O filled water balloons on the heads of people who aren't qualified for their jobs and put shaving cream on the cars of people who are short-sighted. And I'll put signs on the backs of all the ass-kissers and ladder-climbers, so other workers can make sure to steer clear.

Man, I really need that cape.

9:19 AM | allison | # |

This past weekend, I re-arranged all the furniture in my house. I switched my futon couch and popsan chair around, moved the entertainment center to the corner and then back to it's original spot; I moved my bed and the tv stand around and slid the comfy chair up against the wall. In the midst of all this, I also moved my alarm clock. It no longer sits within an arm's reach. I now have to drag my sorry ass all the way out of bed, even if it is only to hit the snooze button.

You ask, "Crazy girl - why did you do such a insane thing?"

I answer, "Because I want to work out in the mornings instead of when I get home after work."

And it seems to be working so far. I got up yesterday and watched my new heroine, Denise Austin, while I did my 30 minutes on the Orbitrek and then my floor exercises. She said I could eat like a king for breakfast, like a queen for lunch and like a pauper for dinner, and I'll just lose weight naturally. Sounds like a good plan to me. Do the Tootsie Rolls, Skittles and other Halloween candy I munch on all day count as eating like a king and queen?

I certainly hope so.

3:53 PM | allison | # |

I'm having a really hard time getting anything done today. I sit down and begin to work, but I get easily distracted by places like this and this.

Or maybe it's because last night when I came back to work at 7 to use the computer, when I walked by the workroom I think two of the cleaning people were screwing around. Literally. The guy was sitting on the little step-stool thing and she was on his lap with her shorts down around her ankles. I got a deer-in-the-headlights look from the girl when I walked past and they left really quickly after I sat down.

I don't think I'll ever use that step-stool again.

11:07 AM | allison | # |

Reasons why today doesn't suck despite all the rain and weather-related ickiness in the metro area:
1. It could be snowing.
2. I'm having a great hair day.
3. Nice e-mails from co-workers.
4. Lunch out with new people from work at Cha Cha Cha, a.k.a. La Casita.
5. Tres good parking space.
6. Wearing a shirt today that previously had not been able to button.
7. Only 28 days until I see the fam for Thanksgiving.
8. Random calls from the automatic service at Walgreens telling me I have a prescription ready that I don't remember calling in.
9. Invitation from a vendor for a Western Ladies Day in November that includes a free brunch. Dressing in western wear is apparently optional.
10. Everytime I get a new e-mail in my inbox, it's announced (quite loudly) with: "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!"

2:14 PM | allison | # |

I got to work this morning with a renewed sense of enthusiasm - the knowledge that my time here will be ending in the not so distant future has finally sunk in. And it feels great! I can now tolerate JC's constant bullshit - I'll just smile and nod and do what he asks. All with the secret knowledge that I'm looking for a new job, closer to home and as far away from him as I can possibly get. It feels good.

Only one problem though. Those who know me well, know how much of a problem I have when it comes to keeping secrets. I'm horrible at it - I get so excited when something fun is going to happen. Once, for my dad's birthday, we got him tickets to a Beach Boys concert. Guess how long I lasted before telling him. Three days. That's it. 72 hours. And more recently, my dad bought a new car and was going to hand down his current vehicle to my brother. So you know what I did? I didn't call my brother for two full weeks because I was afraid I would slip up on the phone and let the surprise go. Two weeks I didn't talk to him. I'm a horrible sister.

Well, not really. Just a terrible secret-keeper. And a new job-seeker.

9:34 AM | allison | # |

So, I did it. I called Chris last night. Not at work, but I left a message on his answering machine. Which is horrible, I know. I should have at the very least talked to him directly or better yet, talked to him face-to-face. But I was a coward. I've never been on this end before - wanting it to end before he does. I've always, always been the one being dumped. I keep justifying it to myself by saying we only actually went out 4 times - two lunches and two movies (one with dinner), so a answering machine message was ok. But I still feel bad.

I was honest though - I told him I was stepping back from everything, which is true. I'm looking for a new job, which will hopefully take me back home to the Chicago area. And my current job is stressing me out enough so that when I get home, I work out like a mad-woman and then crash into bed. I don't want to talk or even look at anyone most nights. I have a feeling I'm probably a little depressed by it all too, which certainly doesn't help any. I'm stress eating again too, which totally sucks. I know I'm doing and I don't stop myself. I had McDonald's for lunch yesterday and Pizza Hut for dinner. The only good thing is that I haven't put any weight back on - my stress-busting workout schedule seems to help even it all out, but I haven't lost anymore yet either, which is the whole point.

It all makes me a little angry. I know I'm stressed at work because I'm letting JC make me feel stressed and I was stressed about Chris because I didn't want to hurt his feelings because I'm a people-pleaser. And knowing all that and that I let myself be manipulated like that, makes me angry. Angry at me, not at anyone else.

I think I need some time and space to think this all through.

9:07 AM | allison | # |

The great job search has begun. The polishing of the resume has commenced. The feelers are out and connections are being worked.

And my lease ends in March.

9:16 AM | allison | # |

I am so not going to be in this job for much longer. I just told my boss not to blame me for things that I have no control over (i.e. other folks being out of the office) and not to tell me how to do my job since he isn't doing his.

I can't decide if I'm going to be fired or leave voluntarily.

I'm hoping for the voluntary thing.

2:45 PM | allison | # |

Bad news, y'all. uComics will no longer be providing me with my free Calvin & Hobbes fix every morning. They want me to pay for it now. $9.95 a year.

Are they freakin' smoking crack?! I wonder how many people are really going to pay for that?

8:47 AM | allison | # |

Ok, so I tried to fix the link thingys again today and it's just not cooperating. Bugger.

Happy birthday, daddy! I love you to the moon and back!

3:41 PM | allison | # |

Am I shallow? If you asked me a week ago, I'd say no and probably be right. But now, I'm not so sure. I had plans to spend a good deal of time with Chris this weekend. We were going to go to a pumpkin patch in Spring and pick out pumpkins, taken 'em home and carve them up while we watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. When I woke up on Saturday, it was pouring down rain - the pumpkin patch would most decidedly be a huge mud pit. So, no problem, I'll just go grocery shopping and run some errands instead. But Chris still wanted to get together. So we saw Red Dragon. Excellent movie.

But it was then that I started to realize...I don't think I'm really attracted to him. I kept my hands in my lap and tensed when he reached for my hand. I felt terrible. I can only imagine how I would feel if I got that reaction from someone else when trying to show a little affection.

I was supposed to go with him to his aunt's house for dinner with his family. I stayed home and watched Riding In Cars With Boys. I'd seen it before, but I cried anyway. I spent most of Sunday at my aunt and uncle's house - Christy and the fam came down. I got to play with Gabe and hold the baby, which totally turned my mood around.

But then I was supposed to go over to Chris' house for game night. He was having some friends over to play Trivial Pursuit and whatever other board games folks brought. My partner and I held our own - we tied for second place, so I'm happy. Chris kept reaching for me and putting his hand on my shoulder. And I tensed each time. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to - I just did.

And he called when I got home to make sure I made it back without any problems, which is sweet of him.

How do I tell him I'm not interested in a romantic sort of way? He's an incredible human being - he's smart and funny and I love his friends. But I'm not physically attracted to him. I know I need to tell him this, but I've never been on this end of the situation before. I've never been the one who doesn't want to return the affection. Short, intelligent, fat girls don't get a whole lot of attention. How do I tell him?

It's different now - I've lost 40+ pounds, eat better, feel better. I'm more comfortable with me. Is it shallow of me to want someone, well, more in the same boat?

9:15 AM | allison | # |

Bloody hell. I give up. I can't fix the link thingies and I really should get some work-work done today.

Crap.

8:55 AM | allison | # |

I am so ready for today. I don't think I'm even going to do the Friday Five today. Everyone already knows I watch an incredible amount of television for one person.

Is it 5:00 yet?

8:31 AM | allison | # |

Can I just re-iterate how glad I am I never throw anything away? Totally saved my ass this afternoon.

JC has another thing coming if he thinks he can blame me for not having my shit together. It's his shit that needs to get together. And I'm not gonna do it for him.

You know, just in case you were wondering.

4:20 PM | allison | # |

Man, the site looks really crappy with the links all messed up. Unfortunately, today is not a good day to be sittin' around fixing them. Hmmm...maybe tomorrow.

8:21 AM | allison | # |

Growl. Having some problems with the new links.

I'll try and fix them later. I've got some work to do. You know, because I'm at work.

9:52 AM | allison | # |

I woke up freezing my sorry little ass off this morning. Guess who didn't close her window's last night? I guess I deserve it for forgetting to close them, but what an icky way to wake up, covered in goosebumples and shivering from head to toe. I won't forget to close the windows again tonight, that's for sure. But it got me thinking - wouldn't that be a horrible way to die? to freeze to death? Slowly getting colder and colder until your system just shuts down? A morbid thought for first thing in the morning, isn't it?

Chris called last night - he's going to come up and we're going to have lunch again this week. Talking to him last night made me realize how bored I'd been all weekend. I've only known him for a couple of weeks and I missed being able to speak to him in just those few days. But he had a wonderful time in Vegas - even put money down on the Cowboys for me. They didn't beat the spread, so he didn't win any money, but it's the thought that counts. And the 'boys did win, so I can't complain.

Did you see this on the news this morning? A new cure-all for wart removal: Duct tape. I guess it really does fix everything.

I'm sitting here listening to JC talk to new VP man on the phone - he's never, ever talked about enjoying baseball before. He knows how much I like it - I love my boys in black. But he's never wanted to talk baseball with me before. And now he's talking trash about the Cardinals because new VP man is from San Fran. I really, really, really want to put a big sign on his door, or maybe stick it on his back when he's not looking and it will say: LEMMING! LEMMING! LEMMING!

8:52 AM | allison | # |

You know what? Even melting ice cream can't ruin my day today.

I'm starving, I have a car full of ice cream that doesn't belong to me and my head is going to explode. But you know what? I really don't care. I'm having a really good day.

4:09 PM | allison | # |

I can't stop smiling. Dallas won yesterday (and so did Green Bay - growl), I rented the first two episodes of Oz last night from Blockbuster and Chris called me this morning when he got home from the airport.

Life is good.

8:43 AM | allison | # |

Half-day today! Woohoo! And Chris left a very sweet message on my voice-mail at work this morning. : )

Friday Five:
1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be? Probably a compilation cd - I used to make mix tapes when I was in Jr.High and got back into that habit in college after seeing Boogie Nights when that weird drug dealer would make his own tapes of a record because he didn't want to listen to the songs in the order that the record company said he should. He called his mix My Awesome Mix #6. I have my own Awesome Mixes, from #6 up through the teens now.

2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be? Ghostbusters and The Shawshank Redemption.

3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be? A Prayer for Owen Meany, She's Come Undone and Today I Feel Silly.

4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be? Diet Coke, Chicken Parmigiana, Ham & Cheese Sandwich on French Breach and Lemon Jolly Ranchers.

5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be? Without question Mom, Dad and Carl. I don't know about the other two just yet.

10:25 AM | allison | # |

I woke up in an incredibly good mood this morning, despite the throbbing in my finger. Last night I cut my knuckle on a jar of peanut butter. Don't ask, please.

Yesterday, I stayed late to finish up some work and try to get a little ahead since I'm going to be out tomorrow afternoon and JC called on his cell. It seems he had a little pow-wow with new VP man and this traffic position is going to happen. I'm still a little leery about how JC is going to twist it around, but I'm going to hold my ground when we discuss it. He wants to meet today so we can flesh it out a little more.

And I get to have lunch with Chris today. Nothing is going to spoil my high today.

Oh, and I don't usually take these quizzes, but come on. It's a Labyrith quiz!

you're sarah! you're just enjoying the inner child inside you, and you don't quite want to grow up.

which labyrinth character are you?

8:36 AM | allison | # |

Could today possibly get any more icky? It's raining, I really don't like my boss much today and I have a headache.

And still no hugs.

But thank you for the card, daddy. I love you.

2:03 PM | allison | # |

I really need a hug today.

Any takers?

11:39 AM | allison | # |

Just to clarify: the changes coming soon was refering to my blog, not my job. I'm moving around the links and stuff, but I don't want to make it all live until I know it works. However, changes in my job status will happen too. But the wheel turns very slowly here at the 'staff.

Note to mom: they are only doughnuts! Next time you gasp like that I expect to see a new car in the driveway or a shiny rock on your finger. : )

8:39 AM | allison | # |

Gonna have some changes coming soon. Just you wait and see.

4:12 PM | allison | # |

First of all, it totally sucks that Green Bay won last night. Even though I'm not really a Bears fan, I just was rooting for them just because I didn't want GB to put another in the W column.

Second, this is totally, freakin' hilarious.

And third, well, I have a happy thought in my head, but I'm going to keep for myself today.

9:08 AM | allison | # |

Well, almost the entire weekend totally sucked. It started off all right, but slowly went downhill until I got home last night. I took off Friday afternoon so we could beat rush-hour traffic into Dallas. I don't remember much of the drive because I slept through most of it. I only remember stopping once to empty my bladder and then slept again. We took Jen and one of her roommates out to dinner at Cracker Barrel and then had ice cream at Braum's.

I slept on one of the most uncomfortable pull-out beds in the history of the world.

Saturday we took Jen and one of her rooomates to breakfast at IHOP and then made a short trip to Best Buy. And then we sat on our collective ass all freakin' day long. Doing nothing. I took apart my Rubik's cube and read an entire book. Saturday night, Jen and I ventured to the Bronco Bowl to see Phantom Planet and Elvis Costello. Good fun was not had by all. Phatom Planet's set was pretty short and she sat like a lump once Elvis started so we left after only three songs. I offered to take her out to dinner, but she said she wasn't really that hungry. She took me back to the hotel.

I slept on one of the most uncomfortable pull-out beds in the history of the world.

Sunday morning we were up early so we could be back home around noon. No such luck there either. Again, I was sleeping in the car and awoke, finding the van pulled to the side of the road, the emergency flashers blinking and hood of the engine propped open. Fun stuff. We ended up getting a ride to a gas station from a local cop and waited for nearly three hours for a Houston-area towing company to come pick us and the car up. OMG.

The drive took forever. Or maybe it only felt like it because I had to pee the whole time and our driver ate a sausage on a stick and had a wad of snuff in his cheek the size of my fist.

I finally made it home yesterday afternoon about 4:30. I called Chris and wonderful person that he is, came over and joined me for Blockbuster night. We had a very good time, so the weekend wasn't a complete bust. I'll get to see him again this week before he's out of town next weekend. Good fun will be had by all.

9:27 AM | allison | # |

Yeah, yeah. It's Friday! I've got a half day at work, we're going to Dallas this afternoon and I have tickets to see Elvis Costello with my cousin tomorrow night! Woohoo!

Friday Five:
1. What size shoe do you wear? 6ish, maybe a 7, depending on the shoe.

2. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Quite a few, more than 20 probably. I shoe shop when I have a bad day. Nothing makes you feel good like a cute pair of shoes.

3. What type of shoe do you prefer (boots, sneakers, pumps, etc.)? I prefer to go barefoot above all else. But if I'm forced to wear shoes, I love sandals.

4. Describe your favorite pair of shoes. Why are they your favorite? Ooohh I have a super-cute pair of silver sandals. They're flats, which is the only bad part, but they're strappy and silver and go with just about anything.

5. What's the most you've spent on one pair of shoes? I'm a Payless (despite the arrival of Star Jones as their new spokeswoman) shopper - probably not more than $20.

9:07 AM | allison | # |

I can't stop smiling. Chris called me again last night and JC said this morning he wants this Traffic position to happen.

I'm not too sure about the job thing, but it makes me feel good to know Chris was thinking about me last night. It feels really good.

10:37 AM | allison | # |

While I'm posting funny e-mails. . . This one is for you, daddy. I know how you love blonde jokes.

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a Seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied,"You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one."

She replied that she did not know what it was for, but this piece had always been there. He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."

4:39 PM | allison | # |

Just got this in an e-mail. I couldn't help but share.

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers.

When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his
mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Gross, I know. But still very funny. I'm going to talk to new VP man this afternoon - I'm going to ask him if he has any advice about how I can approach Jason about this traffic position. He keeps blowing me off and I'm thinking this is a good way not only to let new VP man that JC has been blowing me off, but also get some valuable info about how to better communicate with him. Smart, huh?

4:21 PM | allison | # |

I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off. I won't let Jason piss me off.

Ok. I feel better now.

1:35 PM | allison | # |

Quick update: Jason is already getting on my nerves today and he's not even here. He just called again, checking on the e-mail campaign that is pretty much out of our hands at this point and asking me if the meeting he set up for today was a conference call or if someone was coming in to see us. How the hell would I know? He invited me at the last minute yesterday and never even told me where the meeting was. Growl.

Wait, stop. I forgot. Nothing but sunshine for good 'ol Jason. I guess that means I should stop slamming the phone. I bet it's kind of annoying.

9:44 AM | allison | # |

There is dancing the not-so-giganta cube today. Jason has yet to come in and I have no idea where he is, and I really don't care at this point either.

9:42 AM | allison | # |