2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

I meant to take pictures. Honestly, I did. I had a post in my head all worked out about giving thanks and living in the now and not taking anyone or anything for granted. I still want to write about that.

But all the fun of the weekend got in the way. There were late homecomings and watching a parade the next morning in pajamas. There were two, TWO turkeys and seeing old friends and making new ones. There were naps by the fire and two, TWO winning football teams. There was laughter and music. And more laughter.

And more music.

His music makes my heart ache. In a good way.

10:34 PM | allison | # |

Funniest thing overheard in the office this morning: "So, why does he live in a pineapple under the sea?"

9:41 AM | allison | # |

Relationships change people. You shave more often, keep your finger and toes nails in better shape. You wear the cute or sexy underwear on ordinary days. You smile more for no reason, wear a little bit more of your favorite perfume or scented lotion. You make room in your closets and bathroom medicine chests.

Things change.

I move from the middle of the bed to the side, even if I'm sleeping alone. It's just a habit, something that happens when I'm in a relationship. It's a small concession I make to the new person in my life.

***

I saw the magician the other day. I had a production meeting (I'm producing my very first show!) at Kelly's on Monday night. Kelly's is a little pub/restaurant that resides in an old fashioned locomotive. Very kitschy.

He was there too, meeting with some man. I couldn't hear what they were saying; probably talking politics. He didn't see me. Or pretended he didn't. But I noticed him.

On my way home, I sent a text message. Mostly, I just wanted to see if he would respond.

Unidentified Number.

Verify 10-digit wireless number and resend message.

I went to bed that night wondering. He's obviously changed his cell number. Is that why he never called? Did he lose his phone and with it my number? Would he have responded to my message had he gotten it?

***

Yesterday morning I was thinking about him still, but in a different way. It was different because of where I woke up.

I was in the middle of the bed.

8:42 AM | allison | # |

I meant to take pictures of my trip. I charged the batteries and made sure the memory as empty so I could store a million new pictures.

But when it came time I realized that the things I really wanted to remember couldn’t be captured in a photograph.

Things like the way the snow fell around us as we drove from the airport. Or the way my aunt’s house smells when you first step inside, or the way she hugs you just right, almost as good my mom.

I couldn’t take pictures of my mom laughing so hard there wasn’t any sound or the way my cousin’s dog rooed when she didn’t get her way.

My camera couldn’t capture the sound of my uncle napping on the couch or the way his toes wiggle as he sleeps.

What I wanted to capture was the feeling of coming home, of being surrounded by people I love and who love me and the complete sense of being whole that I felt this weekend.

8:04 PM | allison | # |

This time tomorrow, I'll be here. Well, maybe not in this exact geographic location because it's nearly the top of Pike's Peak.

But I'll be close enough.

Jealous?

6:31 PM | allison | # |

Sometimes the night seems to last forever. It's these long nights of sleeplessness when I question my decisions and my direction and my choices and my ideals. When I question myself.

It's nights like these that I wonder what would be different if I had said the right thing or if I waited too long to make that call or hadn't had so much to drink that one night.

I know I shouldn't dwell on the past. I can only change the future. But the future is so far away and the past is in my head now.

All those ideas and questions screaming through my head make the morning seem like an eternity away. I'm not sure it will ever come.

I'm not sure if I want it to.

3:17 AM | allison | # |

She throws off the covers, struggling to clear her head. What is that noise?

It's the theme song to Charlie Brown. Linus and Lucy.

Her cell phone. Her cell phone is ringing.

"Hello?" It comes out scratchy and almost unaudible.

"Hello? Sweetie? I must have pushed the wrong button. I was trying to call dad so he knows I do have my phone on." She's leaning against the bookcase as she listens, still trying to clear her head. She squints her eyes. The sun is bright.

"Ok."

"Did I wake you? I'm out running errands. Are you coming to visit this weekend? I must have dialed you by mistake. I was trying to call dad."

She squints at the clock. 10:57. "Ok. My alarm is going to go off soon anyway. It's ok."

"You're still sleeping. Call me when you wake up, ok? I'll talk to you later, sweetie. I love you."

"I love you too." She closes the phone and puts it back on the bookcase. She looks at the clock again. 10:59.

It's almost lunch time. She could call for pizza and watch The Office, Series Two.

Good idea.

3:00 PM | allison | # |

Two friends sit side-by-side on a bench. They are looking across the room at a wall lined with black and white photographs. The photos take up nearly the entire wall. Some of details are hard to see, images small from across the room. All of them are framed in black.

“I really like the layout of all those photos. They look good, black and white, framed in black. But there is something about them I don’t like at all.” She gestures to the pictures as she speaks.

Her friend nods.

“They’re all cropped differently.”

“Exactly. They’re all uneven.” She seems uncomfortable with the unevenness. The lopsidedness of the display.

Her friend nods again in agreement. The pictures are all black and white, but some of them of have wide white borders, while others have a thin border or none at all.

They continue to study the photographs. There are more people in the room now. Some people considering the same photographs the two friends had just spoken about. Others are whispering quietly to each other, ignoring the photographs all together.

Her friend leans close, almost whispering. Acknowledging the photographs she says, “The world is uneven. That’s what makes it interesting.”

9:19 AM | allison | # |

I guess this means game over, huh? I kind of feel like a little girl on Christmas morning who hoped and wished and prayed for a pony and opened up a package full of socks and underwear instead.

1:11 PM | allison | # |

I exercised my right and voted today. I hope you did too.

I also listened to my neighbors have sex. But that's besides the point.

7:14 PM | allison | # |

Toepick! I just caught the tail end of a CSI repeat on Spike. And the bad guy was Mr. Sweeney himself.

What a find bad guy he makes. Have you seen him on his new show?

Still yummy after all these years.

6:58 PM | allison | # |

So far this morning I've realized how hard it is to get up when its still dark and raining, was almost hit by a car in the parking garage and upon entering the office found that the cube I was going to move into later this week is now being occupied by a new employee.

It's going to be a good week.

Trust me. I know about these things.

8:25 AM | allison | # |