2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

When I was a child, I used to have this cassette tape that I listened to over and over again.

All of God's critters have a place in the choir.
Some sing low, some sing higher.
Some sing out loud on the telephone wire.
And some just clap their hands, or paws, or anything they got now.

It was a man, named Eric (I think), and a bunch of children, singing and playing instruments. I knew almost all the songs by heart.

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the best post overnight?
If your mother says don't chew it, do you swallow it in fright?
Can you catch it on your tonsils? Can you heave it left and right?
Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the best post overnight?

But there's another one, besides those two, that has always stuck with me. I don't remember the name of the song or any of the verses; it's the chorus that I remember.

All I really need is a song in my heart,
Food in my belly,
And love in my family.

And right now, after a long week back after vacation, a short nap and dinner finished, and a song that my brother wrote stuck in my head, I understand exactly what that song means.

8:34 PM | allison | # |

I know. Breathtaking, isn't it?

9:20 PM | allison | # |

I told you! SNOW!

9:04 PM | allison | # |

It snowed on us at Pike's Peak. Seriously. SNOWED. In July. JULY.

9:03 PM | allison | # |

Frisco, Colorado. Almost too perfect, isn't it?

9:00 PM | allison | # |

"I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a lot rockier than this." "Yeah. That John Denver is full of shit, man." - Dumb and Dumber

Our trip was quite an adventure and just what I needed. There were delayed planes and our aunt meeting us at the gate. There was eating at the bar and the new dog. There was sleeping in and talking with our cousin for hours. There was a movie and an early dinner and another movie. There was getting up early to visit really big rocks and a long train ride to the top of the world. There was pizza and a quiet night at home. There was a long ride up another mountain and a spectacular view from an outdoor cafe. There was a long ride home along side an ice-cold river; there was a Plan B dinner and guitar music as the sun went down. There was a non-delayed plane and a friend to pick us up at the airport.

That, my friends, was the best vacation ever.

9:47 AM | allison | # |

Denver was awesome, can't you tell?

6:19 PM | allison | # |

Eighteen hours from now, I'm leavin' on a jet plane. Seriously. We're flying to Denver.

My brother and I are packing it up and heading out for a long weekend.

And by long weekend, I mean I won't have to go back to work until Tuesday.

Eat your heart out.

8:58 PM | allison | # |

I know an extraordinary woman. Actually, I know quite a few of extraordinary women, but I'm thinking of one in particular today.

She grew up in a turbulent time for our country; the world was recovering from war, Elvis made his first appearance on national television, In Cold Blood was published, and the nation celebrated its Bicentennial. WC Fields, Tommy Dorsey, Walt Disney and Agatha Christie all passed on to a better place.

This woman is generous and kind. She spent nearly thirty years teaching in a small school district, shaping the minds and lives of children that passed through her classroom. Some of them became lawyers and doctors and police offices and teachers. Every now and then, she'll get stopped while she's shopping or running errands by a former student who wanted to say hello and thank you.

This woman has a wonderful sense of humor. She is quick witted and goofey at times. Her family often teases her because when she laughs really hard, her eyes shut, her body shakes and her mouth opens. But there is no sound. It looks like someone turned her on and hit MUTE.

This woman is fearless and engaging. She regularly gets up on stage as part of a community theatre group and makes a total fool of herself; anything for a laugh. For her birthday a couple of years ago, she wanted to go white-water rafting. She has fought and continues to fight the Powers That Be to make sure the right thing is done.

This woman takes yoga and feeds the birds. She vacuums to relax and goes to baseball games to people watch. She likes to fish and thinks camping is a hotel without room service. She belongs to rowdy social club and is also a board member for the local library and theatre group.

This woman rides a bicycle with a basket on the front and drives fast cars. She plants flowers every spring and has more holiday decorations than any one person should. She gets giggly when she's had one too many fuzzy navels. She never forgets birthdays or anniversaries.

This woman adores Krispy Kreme doughnuts like no other. She loves re-runs of Columbo and calls her daughter when their favorite episode is being shown on A&E. She often sends cards just because she found one that reminded her of you.

This woman balanced a husband, a career, two children and life. And she did it without making anyone or any activity feel like it was part of the balancing act. She always had enough time, support and love for all of them.

This woman taught me to love and to laugh. She taught me how to live. Really, truly live. And for that, I won't ever be able to thank her enough.

Happy birthday, Mom. I love you.

2:48 PM | allison | # |

These always make me smile, sometimes despite myself.

9:29 PM | allison | # |

I always think its a wonder that this flower is called Columbine. It's so delicate and beautiful but the name implies tragedy and death.

9:25 PM | allison | # |

There is very small forest preserve type place not far from my office (which is kind of funny because our building is literally next door to O'Hare Airport). I've taken to driving over to the preserve with my lunch. I'll roll down the windows and put up my feet. Sometimes I read, sometimes I watch a man practice his golf swing. Sometimes I climb into the back seat for a quick nap.

It doesn't really matter what I'm doing, as long as I'm out of the office. That small span of time, those precious sixty minutes when I'm not in the office are the bright spots in my day. I begin thinking about it at 9 AM. Thinking about my reprieve from the Office of the Damned.

Once I’m free, the minutes go by so quickly. I can’t read or watch or sleep quite enough. The light mood that washed over me as soon as I was out the door lessens more and more the closer I get to the office door. Once I’m back in my air-conditioned hell, the melancholy and longing for my freedom returns.

Tomorrow I’ll do it all over again.

1:39 PM | allison | # |

My sunburn has faded a bit, but the good mood hasn't.

Talking late into the night with a new person in your life will do that. And another baseball game doesn't hurt either.

8:53 AM | allison | # |

I spent yesterday getting sunburned at two baseball games.

Today I called in sick and spent my time seeing two movies.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

8:23 PM | allison | # |

Insomnia is an ugly, ugly beast. It makes me tired and cranky and short-tempered. It makes me say and think things I would normally filter. It makes me feel bloated and unkempt. I walk around quiet and sleepy, people asking me if I’m getting sick. It’s something I deal with on a regular basis.

I’ve struggled with insomnia for a long time. Even as a child, I can remember dreading bedtime because I knew it would mean another night of tossing and turning, sleep just out of my reach. My insomnia is very cyclical and seems to have more to do with the phases of the moon than my body’s hormonal levels.

My doctors have prescribed multiple sleep aids, but they make me feel like I’m walking around with a hangover without the headache or make it impossible to get up at all. I’ve tried natural sleep aids like melatonin, but even half a pill leaves me shaky and highly dysfunctional the next morning.

And so I deal with it. I talk long walks and drink warm drinks. I read dozens of books and watch more than my share of infomercials. Have you seen the spray on nylons? I’ve tried alcohol and exercising myself into exhaustion.

The only thing that works, though, is time. Letting my body work through the current cycle where I’m forced to function on two and three hours of sleep. And I wait until the cycle is over when I can sleep again.

9:43 AM | allison | # |

Yesterday I took a friend to the hospital. She was just going to have some tests run before we headed off to Wrigley Field for an afternoon game. My Boys in Black were playing the Cubs. We won two games out of three the weekend before, so I had high hopes for yesterday’s game. Her appointment was at 12:30 and the woman who checked her in said the tests would probably take about two and half hours.

A doctor came for me four hours later.

She’s one of those amazing people. She’s beautiful inside and out. Generous, loving, brave and incredibly loyal. I’ve always felt that people come into your life for a reason. Some you learn from, some you teach. Some help you close one part of your life and open up another. She is all of those things for me.

And yesterday when I saw her lying in the hospital bed, her nose and eyes red and wet, I was scared and angry and very afraid that this wonderful person that has come into my life would be taken away.

A small section of one of her main arteries was almost completely blocked. The doctor said that the pain she had been experiencing is as close to an actual heart attack as she could come.

She’d been having a sharp pain in left shoulder for a couple of weeks. It would bother her when we walked to the train or from the station to our building downtown. Last Friday, a friend took her to the emergency room after work because the pain was bothering her so much. She missed the Prince concert. I wish she could have seen him in all his high-heeled, blue suited glory.

Her ER visit meant a follow-up appointment with her regular doctor. The scheduling was perfect – we had already taken Friday off of work and were going to go to the Cubs game. But her doctor said her EKG was unusual enough to warrant more tests. That’s how we ended up in the hospital.

My friend is going to be ok. The doctors unblocked her artery and are monitoring her to make sure everything is all right. When I spoke with her earlier today, she said that the doctors expect her to make a full recovery. This is all good news.

But at the same time, I’m still scared. She’s still so young and for that to happen to her, to anyone her age, scares the crap out of me. I found out that heart disease and problems associated with heart disease are almost three-fourths controlled by genetics and only a quarter by diet and exercise. That lack of control and the uncertainty it causes is frightening. Especially since heart disease is fairly common in my family, on both sides.

I can only continue to exercise and eat to fuel my body. And hope that my friend does the same.

6:38 PM | allison | # |