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Friday, January 28 It’s been a while since I’ve written anything of substance. The Pop & Drop thing. The Blockbuster lie. And that little bit of everything update. It’s all for crap. I did that because R kept telling me I needed to post. She was right. And I did post, but not really about the things I wanted to. I wasn’t ready to yet and I’m still a little on the fence, but maybe writing about it will be a bit of catharsis. I don’t know. It’s all still a jumble in my head and will probably look that way here too. I feel like I’m at a crossroads point, where if I make a decision it could lead down a road and I won’t be able to go back. It’s all happening at once. Nothing is happening at all. I’ve been avoiding family and friends and going home to curl up in a little ball on the couch. If I ignore the phone long enough, everyone will stop calling, right? I spent way too much at Christmas. Having just finished paying off my credit card debt, I’m in the hole again. I don’t regret anything I bought for loved ones during the holidays, but the idea of buying my truck any time soon is laughable. And not in a funny, ha ha sort of way. I might have a new beau. I was a little overwhelmed with his attention at first and a little unsure about how I felt about him. I’m still a little unsure, but I find myself trying to remember things that happen during the day so I can tell him all about it and a little disappointed if he doesn’t call. Shut up. I know I could call him and I have. I’m seeing him again on Saturday night. I’m more frustrated with my job than ever before. I could be doing so much more and I feel like a little part of me dies every time I walk through the door. I mentioned something before that’s in the works, and it still is. But it’s going to take some time. A lot of time. And I can’t not work until then. And that sucks. My parents are starting to get older and that scares me. It’s a gradual process. Mom’s hips hurting after sitting too long. Daddy not hearing a phone ringing right next to him. Both of them with high blood pressure. They take naps more often and for longer periods of time. I don’t want to admit to this and I don’t want to watch it happen. I want them to stay Mom and Daddy, stuck in the prime of their lives forever. I’m doing publicity and set decoration for one show and producing another. I shouldn’t have taken it all on at once, but I have trouble saying no. And asking for help. Calls need to be made and things need to be written and pictures need to be taken. When am I supposed to do all of this and still do my life-sucking job? When?! When I saw on the news that the guy who caused the train wreck was attempting suicide, do you know what my first thought was? There are a lot more sure-fire ways to make sure you get the job done. That’s crazy. I should have been thinking about the poor folks who did lose their lives and all the tragedy and hardness that he caused. But I wasn’t. I was thinking of better ways to commit suicide. Tonight I’m going to drink and gamble myself into oblivion. I’ve got cash and a designated driver. Tonight, the ache and mind-jumble will stop, if only for a few precious hours. 3:29 PM | allison | # | Wednesday, January 26 On this day, January 26, in the year 2005, a great achievement was made. 
That's right. 1,128,876. Read 'em and weep, baby. Read 'em and weep. 4:22 PM | allison | # | Days that begin like today make me wish I had access to something a little stronger than Diet Coke. 10:31 AM | allison | # | Monday, January 24 Hypothetically speaking, 857,935 would be a new record for me on the Pop & Drop scene. Hypothetically speaking. 9:25 PM | allison | # | I tried to post some pics of the winter weather on Saturday. It didn't work out. I haven't taken my inhaler for three days because I kept forgetting to get the prescription refilled. It's kind of hard to breathe today. Last Saturday I totally bugged out on a date I was supposed to go on and went to a movie with a friend instead. The movie was really good. Saddest day of the year? Someone needs to take away this guy's grant money. The guy has a big house in Plano and likes Queen. We're having lunch tomorrow. Today I brought in a picture of my friend and I with the King. We saw him in Vegas. Not at a show or anything, but you know, out and about. I colored my hair last night instead of ironing. I did a much better job this time. Except maybe in the back. I can't see back there. I'll have to ask someone to check that out for me. I lost weight last week even though I didn't work out and I was TOMing it. What's that all about, universe? Sheesh. This Friday is Casino Night. Last year, Gary's friend helped me double my money at one of the blackjack tables. In return, I let him look down my shirt and tell me about his wife and new baby girl. I think her name is Emma. His baby, not his wife. I really want another Diet Coke, but the machine took my last $.60 and didn't give me my cold beverage. Seriously, universe. What's going on? Netflix, you're really starting to get on my nerves. I mailed Homicide: Life on the Streets, Seasons 1 and 2 last Monday and you still haven't received it? UNIVERSE WHAT IS GOING ON?! 8:34 AM | allison | # | Friday, January 14 I saw that commercial recently about Blockbuster getting rid of their late fees. And I was thinking, Wow! The folks at Blockbuster are really going out of their way to stay competitive. I wonder how they're able to afford that? And then I found out how they're staying competitive. From Blockbuster's website re: no more late fees: Movie and game rentals are due back at the date and time stated on the Dude. They tell consumers all about the possible diarrhea and headaches and possible links to cancer in those medicine commercials. You couldn't mention this? 3:08 PM | allison | # | Thursday, January 13 So. I was late to work today. Eh. It happens. I took my decongestant last night and forgot to set my alarm. It's a bad combination. After lunch, the newest person in the office stopped me on my way to the kitchen. She told me how amazed she was at the concern for my absence. A co-worker was presented with her 10 year anniversary gift and everyone in the office had gathered in the conference room to celebrate. While everyone was there, my boss asked if anyone had heard from me. This new employee told me that it wasn't, "Where the heck is she?" or "Why is she so late?" It was more like, "Is she ok?" and "Who do we call to make sure she's all right?" And that got me to thinking. As much as I've grown to dislike my job and the Powers That Be, I'm lucky enough to work with some honest, genuine people who care about me. 7:05 PM | allison | # | Upon waking this morning, she squints at the alarm clock. 5:15. Bugger. Rolling over and looking at the window, she thinks its awfully light outside for this early in the morning. She sits up and took a closer look at the alarm clock. 9:15. She should have been at work an hour and fifteen minutes ago. Bugger, indeed. A phone call, an apology, and an hour later, she sits at her desk, looking out the window at the falling snow. And wondering why she hurried to arrive at her desk to do nothing. 11:23 AM | allison | # | Sunday, January 9 I just sat up for an extended period of time for the first time all day. And now its almost time to go back to bed. It was the Three Men in Kilts’ fault, I swear. Or maybe it was my new friends, Nurse Joan or Joe, or the lady who said she’s 33 but is really much older. I’m not going to drink that much again. Well, until the next time at least. BTW, Vegas ROCKED MY SOCKS. Obviously. Where else could I flip off the President and not have Secret Service all over my ass?
9:22 PM | allison | # | Thursday, January 6 Vegas rocked. The plane was late. There is a lot of snow on the ground. My dad rocks my socks. He just came over to help dig my car out of the snow and bring me Diet Coke. Seriously. That is some love. I'm going back to bed now to finish sleeping off Vegas. It was that good. 6:30 PM | allison | # | Saturday, January 1 I'm sitting here near the close of the first day of the new year. And it's got me thinking. Some bloggers to a "Best of" list at the end of the year. Others give props to people that deserve it. I thought about doing the same thing, but when I looked back in my archives, I found it hard to declare any one event the best or worst. Sure, there were highs and lows. And some higher highs and lower lows. Above everything else though, it was life. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I really lived it. I experienced new and exciting and scary and hard things this year. I let myself love and live and laugh and cry, with no reservations. No regrets. 2005 is already shaping up to be another adventure. I'm more determined than ever to leave my current job and for the first time, actually have the beginnings of a plan to do that. It's scary and exciting and a huge risk. And one that I really, really want to take. I'm going to produce my very first show, travel abroad and let myself love again. I'm going to write more letters, be more vocal with the people I love, and learn to eyeball it when I cook. I'm going to take more pictures, not kill any of my houseplants and take off the last fifteen pounds. The adventure begins tomorrow when a friend and I head off to Vegas. We're going to gamble, see a show, people-watch, and eat our hearts out. And that's only the first day. Here's to another year and another adventure. To live. To live is the greatest adventure. - Peter Pan 8:08 PM | allison | # | |
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