2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

I'm thinking if maybe I put this out there, I'll feel obligated to actually do the stuff and cross it off the list.

Just work with me on this one, ok?

8:33 PM | allison | # |

I thought it would be a good idea to not take my Ambien tonight.

I thought it would be best to fall asleep on my own.

I thought it would be easy.

But then I thought about the new Beau and the show and the relatives and the work and the new job prospects and the bar and the family and the dirty house and all the dirty dishes and the rain and the traffic in the morning and the girl scout cookies and the bedside journal and the bills that have to be paid and the prescriptions that need to be refilled and the calls that need to be made and the tshirts that need to be ordered and the birthday present that didn't arrive and the car that needs to be washed and the cat that doesn't like me.

I thought wrong.

And now its too late.

3:25 AM | allison | # |

I was just updating my calendar. March is just around the corner you know. And I realized that I'm booked. It's not really even officially March yet and I've already packed it full.

Seriously. Booked solid, until about the 21st. I've got tons of work-related meetings, ticketed events, the new Beau, doctor's appointments, Last Call research, two weekends in a row with out-of-state family visiting, rehearsals, family and well, I don't want to live in a shit-hole or wear dirty clothes. And oh yes, let's not forget the bronchitis.

So, things might be quiet for a while here in Neverland. Consider yourself warned.

Also, Happy Birthday, my friend. We'll celebrate in style soon.

1:29 PM | allison | # |

First of all, this bronchitis thing is still totally kicking my ass and I only have two more days on the meds. They better start working, pronto.

Second, I didn't get to talk to the new Beau today and I'm a little bummed. Am I totally falling again?

Also, my brother and I are totally going to open the bar. It's still a way off, but I think we've got some decent ideas and are headed in the right direction. And seriously, barhopping for research? It doesn't get much better than that folks. Especially when you're barhopping with your brother.

P.S. I totally used 'totally' way too much.

I totally apologize.

10:31 PM | allison | # |

I was just in the bathroom and heard someone muttering about Jesus before, during and after the ritual that occurs in the stalls.

I wonder if that woman needs a little more fiber in her diet.

11:33 AM | allison | # |

I was out for three days last week and I'm still stick. Shut up. I'm going to the doctor this afternoon. **Update** Diagnosis: Brochitis. Lucky me.

Despite being ill, I had a decent birthday. I've got great friends, an amazing family and a new Beau that all took good care of me this year.

Hold please. Coughing fit.

One show is over. We didn't fill the seats like we had hoped, but the show was good. The second show is still in rehearsal and won't go to stage until the end of April. I'm looking forward to lots of recovery time.

Can you believe it? Sandra Dee, Hunter Thompson and John Raitt. I told you these things happen in threes!

Coughing again. Bugger.

10:35 AM | allison | # |

They say its your birthday! Da na na na na!

It's my birthday too!

4:36 PM | allison | # |

I meant to use some of my "sick time" to do a little re-design. And I did. But it didn't turn out quite like I had planned. So until I have more "sick time" to work on it again, its the same old, same old for you.

5:43 PM | allison | # |

I stayed home sick today. As far as days to stay home go, I chose a pretty good one. It's cold and rainy and I saw some lightening not too long ago. I've got a phlegmy (gross, I know) cough and I'm a little heady. But I'm not achy or feverish which is a good sign.

I think this is just my body's way of saying enough is enough. The past few weeks have been rough. I've been out late, up early and stress eating like crazy. I've been working on two shows, trying to make time for the new Beau and still keep myself together. Remind me never to sign on for two shows at once, ok?

But there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. My work on one show is officially complete as of 10:12 last night and the new Beau is taking me to dinner on my birthday (as long as I can kick this cough).

I'm gonna go back and lay down some more. But things are looking up. And that's a good feeling.

3:47 PM | allison | # |

I’m having one of those days where there is not enough chocolate in the world to make everything ok. No matter how I early I take it, I wake up with Zyrtec hangovers the next day. My new hair product makes my hair feel heavy and oily. I found out on the train this morning that my new beau is a would-be stalker. During the team meeting this morning, I got so frustrated with a co-worker that I started shaking. I know for a fact that I’m the only one making ice today. I have literally 37 calls to make for one of my recruiters. I’m working on two shows and not going to be able to meet friends in CoMo at the end of the month like I had planned. Work is going to take me out of town on the new beau’s birthday and I need to make an appointment to have my eyes, teeth and girlie parts checked out. I’m bloated and sore from working out yesterday. My clients won’t leave me alone – please, let me revise your vacation policy one more time! The three previous revisions weren’t exciting enough. Also, my manager is a complete and total !@#$%& moron. And I’m not just saying that because I’m frustrated with him. He thinks that we can help a client control the weather. Seriously. How am I supposed to learn from this guy?

And I can't keep my right !@#$%& shoe tied. What am I, a third-grader?

3:54 PM | allison | # |

This is wrong in so many ways. Especially since it was in an email I got this morning. How did they get my email?

Oh yeah.

I'm a subscriber, ok? Shut up. I like the pictures.

Also and more importantly, today is Go Red for Women Day. Seriously. How can living a longer, healthier life not be at the top of your to-do list?

8:22 AM | allison | # |

I think the new beau and I have worked things out. At least for now and I'm ok with that. And I think he is too. And that makes me happy.

Other things that are currently making me happy:

fitting into pants that I haven't fit into in a long time.
crossing things off my to-do list.
turning over the calendar to the next month.
filling up my planner with fun things to do.
lunch with the new beau.
friends who listen and ask all the right questions.
planning trips to Mardi Gras 2006.
managers out of the office.
new episodes of CSI: and Without a Trace.

Things that are currently ~~making me unhappy:~~ annoying me a little bit:

spilled oatmeal between the g - h - j and 1 - 2 keys on my keyboard.
my key to the office bathroom is bent a little and therefore not working so I have to use the guest bathroom key and ew, who knows if they wash their hands.

11:03 AM | allison | # |

This is what journals are for, right? Getting out everything you want to say before trying to be a little more eloquent in person. Right? Oh, god. Please say I'm right.

Hey there…I know you write a lot to get your thoughts down and I’ve been doing a lot of the same the last couple of days. I usually write in my journal, but now that I’ve gotten some stuff straight in my head, I thought I should send some of it to you.

R and I ended up not going to the show tonight. We got in the car after work to head over to the theatre and decided we were both just dead tired. Luckily, we were able to exchange the tickets and are going to see the show later this month instead. I’m already in my pjs, but wanted to write to you before I headed to bed.

I had a great time at lunch today and as always, love spending time with you. I got to read your letter when I had a little break this afternoon. It helped me organize everything I’ve been feeling for the past couple of weeks. I have to admit I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. I appreciate the fact that you’re thinking ahead and I understand why you are. I love that you call and that we can talk for a really long time before running out of things to say. I love that you open car doors for me and that you feel compelled to touch me when we’re together. And I love knowing that I’ll get to see you in a couple of days because it gives me something to look forward to.

But the talk about the future and where we’re going and wanting kids and family someday - I kind of feel like you’re putting all your eggs in my basket and its freaking me out a little. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t your intention when telling me all that, but that’s how I feel. I want a family too, but not now. I want a home and a garden and all the rest. But I also want to get to know you and enjoy our time together without having to think about next month or next year or ten years from now. I’m not ready for that kind of talk or thinking quite yet. Maybe we let things go too far, too fast on Saturday night. I don’t know. What I do know is that I want to live for today and enjoy the time we’ve got.

I’m unsure about a lot of things right now – maybe I’m not supposed to be telling you this. Maybe it should wait until a later time. I’m not sure what the rules are with this kind of thing. But you’ve asked me to be honest, and this is me being honest.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on in my head at the moment. I certainly don’t want to stop seeing you, but I feel like you need a lot more from me right now than I’m willing to give. Not just physically, but emotionally too. I want and need to take things slow. So, now that I’ve gotten all that out, I hope it doesn’t upset things too much.

8:29 PM | allison | # |