2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

Today was a good day to be me. I wanted to make a list of the things that made me happy today so I would be able to go back and see that being unemployed isn’t always bad.

Things that made me happy today:

Sleeping in past my alarm.
Carl having a third-round interview for a good job.
Meeting Carl at Portillo's for lunch.
Receiving a volunteer award from the President.
Frisbee golfing with Carl.
Learning how to play real golf with Carl at the driving range.
Yummers at the Yum Yum Shoppe.
Naps with all the windows open.
Pizza for dinner.

Yeah. Today was a good day.

8:20 PM | allison | # |

My doctor says I need to relax. I had my first post-unemployed appointment earlier this week. When I was going up the stairs to her office, I remember thinking that I didn’t really have much to talk about.

I was wrong.

The move went relatively smoothly all things considered, and I’m all unpacked and making do in the guest room of my parent’s house. I’m not sleeping at night and then sleeping until noon when sleep finally finds me, and I’m itching up a storm.

I think I’ve gotten the COBRA insurance thing sorted out, but the cost is stressing me out. The balance of my checking account is slowly dwindling and I don’t have a job. Not even a part-time job, which I thought I’d have by now, but it’s hard to find a job when you sleep until noon. And oh my god, does my leg itch.

Mom and Carl argue. Carl is frustrated. He’s been out of work for a long time and I can’t even imagine how he feels. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how much I love him. Mom makes me argue with Carl. Dad and Carl argue. That’s the worst. They’re loud and angry and it makes me want to curl up in my bed under all the covers so I can’t hear them anymore. Oh, and the theatre group is gearing up for a big change again and no one is trying to help anyone else. My head itches.

I’m supposed to mourn. I’m supposed to relax and find my center. I’m supposed to find a new job, even just an in-between real jobs job just to pay the bills for a little while. Did you know my doctor thinks I should stay at my folks for at least two months? That seems like a really long time even though yesterday was the beginning of my third week here already.

Once I’ve mourned and relaxes and found my center, I’ll be able to move on. Or something like that. Move on to where? To what?

Days like today make me want to leave it all behind. Especially all the itching.

10:18 PM | allison | # |

Overheard commentary about The Masters golf tournament:

"He's a terrific ball striker."

10:16 PM | allison | # |

My body reacts in two ways to stress: extreme lethargy and itchiness. One is much easier to deal with than the other. I’ll let you guess which one.

My parents love to tell people a story about how, when confronted with a babysitter, I dealt with the only way I knew how. I went to bed. At 5:30 in the afternoon. I didn’t even make it to “The Muppet Show.” Since then, I’ve been known to sleep a lot during stressful periods of my life: exam time during high school, the week or so leading up to a show, exam time and extremely busy periods during college. And most recently, during extremely stressful periods of work. I even took to keeping a pillow and blanket in the back seat of my car so I could nap during my lunch hour. It wasn’t so bad during the spring and summer, but man, the winter was a bitch. I had to warm up my car for a bit, park it in the sun and even then I kept my winter coat on under the blanket. You’d think that it wouldn’t be worth it, but I felt like I couldn’t do without. I counted the hours until noon when I could go out to my car and sleep.

And that’s kind of funny because I’ve had insomnia for most of my life. It’s not the napping – I only do that when I’m super-stressed. The rest of the time I’m pretty regimented about my getting ready for bed routine. But I often have problems getting and then staying asleep. I’ve seen doctors and do what I can for that and cut out the naps during the insomnia bits.

The itchiness, however, is new to me. It started last month and at first I thought it was just dry skin. I had a humidifier, but the range isn’t huge so I thought it might just be the winter dry air finally catching up with me. So, I scratched. And I ended up with bruises the size of my palms on my thighs, hips and shoulders. I was even able to get a few on my back with the help of an extra long brush I found hidden in the back of one of my closets. They looked horrible and I was mortified that I bruised myself just from scratching.

So I tried new lotion for extra-dry skin. The itching stopped momentarily, but not completely. And I during all the itching, I was sleeping ten hours a night and taking naps during my lunch hour.

After a while, as the stress reduced, the itching did too. I quit my job, moved back home, and am currently seeking any kind of employment just to bring a little money in while I look for another full-time gig.

It’s a different kind of stress now. It’s no longer the I-hate-my-job-I-can’t-stand-to-be-here-eight-hours-a-day kind of stress. Now it’s an Oh-my-god-I-don’t-have-a-job-and-there-are-still-bills-to-pay kind of stress.

At the moment, I’m still sleeping a lot and itching just a little. And I’ve only found one scratching-related bruise so far.

I guess you have to be happy for the little victories sometimes.

10:50 PM | allison | # |

Well, the Great Move of 2006 is over and done. Now, instead of living in my avocado green wonderland, I live in here: the guestroom of my parent’s house. My brother, lucky guy that he is, is now living in my old room. Despite what he thinks, the walls are peach and not pink. Trust me. In high school, my colors were peach and mint green. Shut up. That was cool in 1995.

Oh, and all my stuff is here in a 10 x 10 storage unit. I was a little unsure that it would all fit, but it did. And also, it’s uninsured. My insurance agency is unwilling to insure my stuff here. If it were in my parent’s garage, no problem. But a locked storage facility? No way. I'm living on the edge. And not because I want to.

This is only the second week of my unemployment and I’m already starting to worry about money. My credit card bills came as well as my COBRA letter and that is about $125 more than I anticipated a month. Good times.
But despite all that, I’m happier than I’ve been in a really, really long time. I’m sleeping better at night, smiling more during the day and just generally a much better person than I was before. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

9:19 PM | allison | # |