2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

Sometimes when I sit down to write, things just don't come out the way I want them to. I've been battling it for a couple of days, which is one of the reasons I haven't been posting. The sentances become long and hard to follow. The meaning of what I wanted to say get lost.

Because of that, I'm resorting to bullet points again.

The trip to Mizzou and Murray's was fantastic. We won, and the food and music was as good as we remembered.
The snow and ice sucked though.

My performance review this year was a lot better than last year's.

The Illinois DMV sucks ass. Lots of it.

And since I didn't have my birth certificate with me and my passport is expired, I have to go back to the Illinois DMV next week. I bet they'll still be sucking lots of ass.

I'm moving in a month. I'm tired of moving.

I'm going to be training my new counterpart from St. Louis at the end of this week. Which is nice, because it means I get to be the trainer instead of the trainee for a couple of days.

I can't shake Run Bob.

I have tried really hard to shake Run Bob.

10:42 AM | allison | # |

When I was little, my dad and I used to take trips to Great America. It was just me and daddy, our day together. We would leave early in the morning and stop at McCaslin's Bakery on the way out of town. I got to have any kind of doughnut I wanted; it was a special treat for a special day.

We would sing in the car and he'd tell me jokes; I'd sing along with the words I knew and laugh even if I didn't quite understand.

When we arrived at the gates, I got to pick the rides, where we ate and what games we played. Daddy indulged me for the day. I spent hours going around in circles on the little airplane ride, getting the wind knocked out of me in the carrot garden and ate as much ice cream as humanly possible.

Rarely was I awake for the ride home.

When I got older, instead of going to the daddy-daughter dances at my high school, we opted for dinner and movie. Again, I got to pick the place and the movie. Once I chose a fancy italian place where they gave us dirty looks, mostly because I'm sure they thought my dad was a dirty old man out with a little tart.

In college, he used to come to see me for a weekend. We'd go to a football or basketball game and have a late dinner somewhere. It was on one of those weekends that we discovered a small little jazz club that serves incredible food. And the music isn't half bad either.

As I grow, I look back on these trips and outings we had and it makes me smile. We got to know one another during this time. I realized what an incredible person he is. He's more than just my father; he's an amazing human being. A salesman by trade, he's also a director, a tech junkie, a sports fan, a husband, a provider, an athelete, a comic, a brother, a son, a thespian and a father. He's all those things and more. Much, much more.

This weekend, we're going back to my alma mater to attend a basketball game and have dinner at that little jazz club. I'm looking forward to spending the time with him, just me and daddy. We'll talk, yell our heads off for Mizzou and enjoy a quiet meal and good music and then talk some more.

I can't wait.

3:41 PM | allison | # |

You know it's going to be a good day when you arrive at your desk to find a check waiting for you.

A check that is from the Fantasy Football League you played in this year.

A check that is from the Fantasy Football League you played in for the very first time ever.

A check that is from the Fantasy Football League you played in for the very first time ever and forgot to play a couple of weeks in a row.

A check that is from the Fantasy Football League you played in for the very first time ever and forgot to play a couple of weeks in a row and played against co-workers who have been playing in the league for years.

A check that is from the Fantasy Football League you played in for the very first time ever and forgot to play a couple of weeks in a row and played against co-workers who have been playing in the league for years and won second place without really knowing what we were doing.

11:35 AM | allison | # |

Note to self: Don't wear new style of underwear to work without having worn them at home at least once.

Today has been, so far, rather....uncomfortable.

And also, on a totally unrelated note:
The trouble with resisting temptation is that you may never get another chance!

11:51 AM | allison | # |

I want to live an authentic life. I want to be real and human. I want to do things my own way and in my own time. I don't want to disappoint myself or others.

Sometimes I feel like I've lived my life for others and am just now starting to live it for me. It's scary and exciting. And right now, mostly scary.

8:07 PM | allison | # |

This weekend I learned that I'm not the only person who is frustrated and disappointed in me. It hurts. And not just the frustration and disappointment, but the fact that someone feels that way too. For the same reasons I do.

I also learned that I have a very, very good friend.

And for that, I am grateful.

8:36 PM | allison | # |

Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in Elvis' name it spells lives?

I'm not saying.

I'm just saying.

1:35 PM | allison | # |

If I titled my posts, I'd call this the obligatory year-end/new year resolutions entry. But since I don't title my posts, I won't do that. Last year saw a lot of changes for me: a new job, a big move and a shift in perspective of myself.

There have been a few highlights worth mentioning:
The new job.
Mom retiring.
The Great Car Debacle.
Getting in touch with old friends.
Being scared.
Letting a loved one go.
Realizing I don't need to take things so seriously.
Returning to the theatre.
Figuring out what I want.
Standing up for myself.
Remembering what it's like to be happy.

In honor of all the good stuff that happened in 2003, my resolution for 2004 is to do things that make me happy. I wasn't happy for a long time. My move back last year started the ball rolling and I'm determined to keep that going. It's kind of an all encompassing resolution - I'm just going to do more things that make me happy. Which means worrying less about always doing the right thing, and not doubting myself and my decisions.

Perhaps going back to school will make me happy; or maybe moving to the city and finding a roommate is what will make me happy. I could fall in love and get married and live happily ever after. Or even finally buy that new car I wanted.

I don't know. No one does. I'm sure I'll figure it out, but I probably don't need to figure it all out at once.

And for the time being, I'm ok with that.

Happy New Year.

9:59 AM | allison | # |