2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

The lunch hour is barely over and I've already learned a lot today:

1. The neighbor's dog is not nearly as cute as originally thought. Especially when she barks at 2 AM.
2. The neighbor who owns said dog is not a morning person. Especially when woken up by the new neighbor who locked herself outside before 7 AM this morning.
3. There are nearly two dozen stop-lights on my way to work. And almost all of them were green this morning.
4. The pink linen shirt I chose in the dark this morning is actually more purple. And the little hair tie I chose in the light is more pink than purple.
5. Diet Coke is not enough for breakfast anymore.
6. I'm hungry for lunch earlier and earlier. If I'm not careful, dinner will begin at 4 PM.
7. The office shredder, while noisy and lots of fun, scares me a little. I'm afraid for my fingers. Scary like the escalator, where I'm afraid for my toes.
8. Meeting the life insurance guy over lunch to go over my options makes me feel very grown up. Even more so that I actually understood what he was talking about.
9. I'm worth more dead than alive.

1:23 PM | allison | # |

When I met my friends in college, I remember thinking that we'd all stay in touch forever. That our lives would turn out like a movie - getting together once a year to laugh and remember, cry a little and plan for the future. It wasn't always perfect, but I was sure we'd all be part of a happy ending. I don't think I ever doubted that it would turn out that way. At the time, it seemed like things wouldn't ever change.

But it didn't turn out like a movie. When I go to St.Louis/Columbia next weekend, I won't see two people who were like sisters just a few years ago. I'm not sure of the whereabouts of LMM and M doesn't speak to me anymore. LMM was in Brazil for a while and I think she's back in Colorado now. I haven't heard from her in a while. But M and I don't speak at all. She read things here that hurt her. Things I probably shouldn't have written or said. Things I probably should have told her, instead of letting her read them here. I can't be sorry for what I wrote, because I was expressing what I was feeling. But I am sorry that I didn't tell her myself.

Sometimes I wonder about M. Wondering if she's happy, if she and her husband have started a family. If she is still angry with me. Part of me will miss seeing her when I go to Missouri. But part of me will also be relieved, knowing that I don't have to face what would be an awkward and hurtful situation.

It didn't turn out like a movie at all. It turned out like life.

9:32 AM | allison | # |

One week from today, I'll be boarding a plane, destination St. Louis. It will be a weekend of laughter, love and reminiscing. I'm going to see friends I haven't seen since graduation.

We're Columbia bound and I'm hoping we'll make a stop here, you know, for old time's sake. Two friends are going to run in this. And I plan to take pictures of everything in between.

Good times will be had by all. Good times.

Drake House representing.

3:27 PM | allison | # |

Last week, after thirty years of being an educator, my mom retired. She didn't have a huge party or make it a big deal. My brother and I sent flowers to celebrate her last day and they made her cry. I'm not sure if the tears were relief or joy.

She went through a lot of the same things I went through with my previous boss. He talked down to her, purposefully didn't utilize her talents and generally made her job something she dreaded doing every day. In some ways, I think it changed her. I couldn't hear her smiling on the phone when I called and it always took a long time after work for her to decompress and get rid of the anger that had collected during the day.

Even though I've never met the man, I hate her boss for doing that to her. She didn't laugh as much or as easily; she became vengeful and angry; her sleeping habits got worse and worse; she cleaned before the cleaning lady came; and she aged more in the last 18 months than she has in the last 10 years. I hate him for doing that to her.

It's only been a week but I can see the changes already. I can hear her smiling on the phone again. Daddy says she's sleeping better. Her mood is more generous and forgiving again. She still cleans before the cleaning lady comes, but we're working on that.

And I love her more than ever.

9:08 AM | allison | # |

My head is a little fuzzy this morning. I'm not quite sure if it's the sinus pressure induced medicine intake or carry-over exhaustion from a busy weekend. Perhaps its a little of both.

A list:
- Vacuum tracks on the carpet.
- Azalea bush with new growth.
- Cirque with daddy on Saturday night.
- Automatic car washes.
- Cinnamin rolls.
- Seeing old friends.
- Warm clothes from the dryer.
- A friend and her fiance in Iraq.
- Michael Moore's politics and Babs stumbling over Eminem's Best Song win.
- A friend calling to celebrate Eminem's Best Song win.
- Eating popsicles in bed.
- Waking up before the alarm goes off.

10:02 AM | allison | # |

I commute to work. This is a recent phenomenom for me, but not altogether unwelcome. I like the time it gives me to wake up and focus. And think.

At first, most of my thoughts were filled up with the move: did I make the right decision? will I be able to live up to the expectations? will I fit in with my new co-workers? when will I find time to take that blasted hand-cart back to Budget? I did. Everything has turned out too well for it not to have been a good choice.

I also went through a couple of days where I was really down too, feeling isolated despite being surrounded by a lot of people. It took me a couple of days to shake that feeling and reach out - the lonely feeling vanished right away.

And then, I started thinking about my family, how great it is to be so close when the world is in the state it is. It makes the uncertainty not seem so bad.

But I think that it's more than uncertainty that's bothering me - not just about what's going on half a world away, but about things in general. Everything is so good right now, I feel like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. The move was too easy, the pay increase is too much, the job is too perfect. And I think what bothers me the most, is that I've never felt like this before. I've always been an optimist, always been able to see the silver lining, the half full glass. But it's harder now. I have to make a conscious effort to do those things. I'm doubting things I've never doubted before.

I wish that I could pinpoint the moment in time or the event that changed things. Maybe it was all the bullshit I put up with before or maybe its just me growing up a little. Either way, I'm not sure I like the outcome. And I'm not sure I can do anything about it.

11:28 AM | allison | # |

Upon my decent back into the Land of Lincoln, one thing has really stuck out to me. Not the sucky weather like you might imagine, but the incredible numbers of vanity license plates that seem to be the IT-thing to do in the Chicagoland area.

I've seen names and nicknames. Some of them clever, some not so much.

Even my mom has a vanity license plate. It's fairly clever I think but doesn't really mean much to those outside the family.

I thought when my dad got his new car back in October, he might get a vanity plate.
Since he didn't, I have taken it upon myself to come up with one for him: HLO OFCR.

10:17 AM | allison | # |

My washing machine is filling up with water. Normally, this would be a good thing.

But it's not turned on.

Mr. Appliance won't drive all the way out to my new digs.
But from the sound of it, the repair could run about $120.

Maybe I should just get a new washing machine.

I'm also having another good hair day.
But that will end as soon as I go outside. It's really windy and the weather lady is predicting rain.

2:23 PM | allison | # |

Just in case you wanted to know, I'm having a really good hair day.

4:22 PM | allison | # |

In honor of the end of the my first week, I've compiled a list: the Top 10 reasons why my new job totally kicks ass:

10. No more JC or new VP man.
9. Balloons and a banner in my new cube the first day of work.
8. Casual day on Fridays.
7. Welcome lunch my first day with the entire team.
6. New boss totally rocks.
5. Other new boss is going to be an awesome role model.
4. Spending one day a week working out of the downtown office.
3. This is the downtown office.
2. I'm the cutest baby in the office.
1. Proximity to family.

2:35 PM | allison | # |

I was out-garliced today. I know, I know, I'm just as surprised as you are. I mean, whoever thought that would really happen, right? Me, the lover of all garlic-laced foods was totally overwhelmed by the amount of garlic in the bread of today's lunch. Crazy, isn't it?

But, good lord in heaven that garlic bread was strong.

Dear, sweet Deli Time, the mastaccioli was excellent, the salad superb and my big-ass diet coke supreme; but maybe next time, could you lighten up on the garlic a bit?

Ok. Thanks.

12:44 PM | allison | # |

Last night when I got home, I was lonely. I've finished unpacking all but one box, hung pictures on the walls and even have run my first load of laundry. My new digs are a lot bigger than my apartment in Houston and it just seemed empty when I got there. I've been on my own for a long time and I'm beginning to think my heart is telling me it's time to find someone.

Up until just recently, I've loved nearly every single moment of living alone. I had roommates in the dorms in college and then lived with two other girls my junior year. The summer before my senior year started, I moved into a tiny hole-in-the-wall in downtown Columbia. I lived above a restaurant, so my apartment always smelled like grilled steak. I had to park four blocks away and walk home from work in the dark and the cold. My kitchen was the size of a closet and the bathroom was even smaller. The entry door to the building often had a broken lock (including the first time my parents saw my apartment on parent's weekend, but that's another story). The laundry room was in the basement and had two washing machines that ate my quarters and spun themselves off balance. The heat in the wintertime was steam powered and never really got heated more than to about lukewarm. My oven ran hot and the water was always cold. And you know what? I loved it. I loved every single bit of it because it was mine.

I had huge (read: floor to ceiling) windows that faced the street and I could watch parades from my apartment. The rent was cheap and I could (mostly) pay for it with my waitressing job. I could walk to school and had access to tons of good places to eat. The Blue Note was across the street so I got to hear lots of cool bands even if I didn't get to see them. My neighbor sold pot and had a beautiful golden lab. The old guy who worked at Shakespeares was a resident at one time as well. My little hole-in-the-wall was mine. It was terrible. It was awesome.

Recently though, I miss that smallness, that cramped, comfortable feeling. My apartment in Houston was like a mansion compared to my place in Columbia. It had vaulted ceilings and a balcony where I had window boxes. The kitchen was nearly three times the size of my previous kitchen and my oven never burned any cookies. I was within 15 minutes of my job and only 30 minutes away from family. And now, my place is even larger. I have a huge living room with sliding glass doors that lead out to a private patio. I have a utility room and linen closet. I've got a longer drive to work in the morning, but I'm only an hour away from home and 30 minutes from my brother. I love my new job and everyone here has welcomed me with open arms.

But last night when I went home, I was lonely. I've felt this way before - each time I moved into an apartment by myself, I felt like this. But it seems stronger and feels like it will last longer than it has before and I don't know why. I'm closer to family and old friends than I have been in a really long time. I feel more isolated than I did when I was 1,100 miles away.

9:30 AM | allison | # |

Just in case you wanted to know, my new boss totally rocks. He's helping push my non-existent performance review through and making sure I'll get backpay for the time it should have covered and making sure my first check here will reflect the percentage increase I get for my transfer.

My tummy is no longer doing flip-flops.

Now, I'm just hungry.

11:38 AM | allison | # |

So, this morning, my new manager found out that I never got my performance review from last year. And I also told him that Jason and I had some communication problems. I'm not sure what to think quite yet, but my tummy is doing some flip-flops.

8:42 AM | allison | # |

My time "in transition" is officially over. I am now back in the mid-west and loving it.

Except for the cold thing. It's freezing here. FREEZING.

Don't believe me? See? I told you so.

10:36 AM | allison | # |

All right, y'all. It's official now. I'm "in transition."

Catch ya on the flip-side.

8:33 AM | allison | # |

TBS Superstation, why dost thou torment me so? During my packing frenzy last night, I was excited to see my all-time favorite movie in the history of the world playing during Dinner & a Movie - Ghostbusters. I should have known that some of the best lines would be fudged a little. I mean, it's cable, but it's not cable, you know?

But I think they went a little overboard on the fudging. Perhaps one of the single best scenes in the whole movie, where the boys are pleading in front of the mayor (who happens to be played by David Margulies, one of my fave character actors) was totally ruined.

The scene should go something like this:
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Everything was fine, until dickless here turned off the power grid!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes, it's true, this man has no dick.

Instead, it played like this:
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Everything was fine, until willy-wick here cut off the power grid!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes, it's true, this man is a rodent, I don't know which.

A rodent? WTF?! And the dubbing was horrible. So not Bill Murray or Dan Aykroyd.

Oh, and if you don't own a copy of this movie, you should go buy one. Now.

8:36 AM | allison | # |

I totally have the best co-workers in the world. Ever. They totally surprised me this afternoon with a going away luncheon. My aunt was in on the whole thing and guided me down to one of the training rooms, right into the middle of it all. There were tons of folks there, even the cute guy who did some of my training last week and who I would totally go for if I were staying in Texas. There was eating and laughing and fun had by all. Including me.

Highlights of my going-away luncheon:
1. Matching game where I forced to the front of the room and asked to match up Texas vocabulary words with their translated meaning. Like, "fixin' to" and "dawg gonnit."
2. A huge sign in the front of the room with these words on it: Goats for Sale, Gun Range, and Taxidermist. There's a fun story there. My dad knows that one. Also seen were: Chicago or Bust and Sweet Home Chicago.
3. Lots of pizza.
4. Two freakin' huge pans of my favorite dessert in the history of the world, Rice Krispie Treats. When the gods have dessert, this is what they eat.
5. Going away gifts that included an ice scraper, a cutting board in the shape of Texas, a beautiful pewter wind chime, a truly Texan bovine from the Cow Parade collection and a mix cd with Texan musicians, which I'm listening to now but will have to turn off soon because country music is one thing I won't miss at all. But it's the thought that counts, right?

I totally cried and my face got all red. But I don't care.

It's nice to know that I'll be missed.

1:55 PM | allison | # |

New job. Old job. The move. Schizophrenic mice. Running out of boxes. Renting the truck. Movers who don't speak much English. Taking Latin instead of Spanish in high school. Packing the truck. Driving the truck. Gas prices. Diet Coke. Dry Ice. Tune up for the car. War in Iraq. New cell phone number. Old boss' birthday lunch. Oz ending. New VP man asking funny questions. Missing my cousins. Sinus headaches. Missing my aunt and uncle. Second-guessing myself about a potential love. Packing up my office. Missing my co-workers. Indian Valley Theatre. Friends with sick family members. Broken glass on the kitchen floor. Sad friends. Happy friends.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.

10:08 AM | allison | # |