2nd Star to the Right :: Neverland. I think I want to live there.

On Saturday, the ex-New Beau and I were finally able to talk. With family in town two weekends in a row and the St. Patty's Day fun, we kept missing each other. I thought we had worked it out. I'm just not feeling it with him and tried to tell him as best I could. I like hanging out and talking on the phone, but I just don't feel anything. There isn't any spark, any attraction, any Va Va Voom.

I told him this. All of it.

Sunday, I got an email asking me if it was ok to see other people. I ignored it. He can't really be asking, right?

Today, I got another email. And people, this is a cut and paste job. I am not responsible for the grammar or punctuation.

Do you think thigns can work out between us later is it just bad timing like you
said. I mean just date as friends etc. Do you want to give it a real try again
later? Be honest.

Seriously. Was I not being clear? Am I being too obtuse?

First, things cannot work out between us later; the timing thing we talked about was not being able to connect because I had family in town.

Second, friends don't date. Friends hang out and go to movies. They do not hold hands, participate in PDAs or kiss goodnight. Also, Friends with Benefits is not an option.

Third, no.

Honest.

7:42 PM | allison | # |

Slainte Amigo007,
originally uploaded by allison.in.neverland.

Sometimes, I'm too much. Even for myself. Oh, come on. A burrito place doing St. Pat's Day? That's funny. Adding the Amigo? That's comedy.

And we all know, I'm all about the comedy.

6:59 PM | allison | # |

8:23 AM and I already have my earplugs in. One co-worker is really loud on the phone, another is just really loud and I think the lady who sits on the other side of the cube wall is talking to her dog. On. The. Phone.

At least she's not singing. Oh, come on. You know there are folks out there who do that.

8:23 AM | allison | # |

I am so angry right now I'm shaking.

This has become my Houston all over again. Except without the lease-ending thing. I'm good on that front until next April.

But the job search? Game on.

11:13 AM | allison | # |

It's only 8:30 AM and I'm already jonesing for Friday. This is going to be a long week.

The ex-new Beau won't stop. He calls at work, text messages me during the day and leaves at least two messages every night. I've called and asked him to stop.

One of my directors is driving me crazy. She will only speak to me through the other director. Mature, yes?

Ah, bugger.

8:34 AM | allison | # |

I was hoping that after last night's mood, today would be better. So far, not so much. Work sucks (nothing new there), the ex-new Beau is stressing me out, my face is all broken out, I'm bloated enough that one of my fat rings doesn't fit and I just took two advil because the vending machine is out of Diet Coke and I have a headache THIS BIG.

Now that I've listed everything that is bad about today, I'm going to list everything good in the hopes that it will help pull me out of this funk.

1. . . .

I have an appointment with my accountant tonight. That's not really a good thing, but I forgot to mention it earlier.

1. . . .

Did I mention the vending machine is out of Diet Coke? That's not really a good thing either and I know I mentioned it earlier, but I wanted to make sure you knew.

1. . . .

Hold on. I'm thinking.

I like saying that I have an accountant. It makes me feel like I have a lot more money than I actually do. I only go to her because she doesn't charge me the normal rate because she's been doing my parents' taxes forever. And also because she looks like Dog's "significant other", only about minues 250 pounds.

Also, who wants to move with me to Napoleon Dynamite's friend Pedro's house? It doesn't have A/C or a microwave, so we'll have to swelter in the heat and cook our food on the stove.

Also, the best line from this story is: "They can get pretty squished up sometimes. You'd think with all that armor, they'd hold up pretty well. But, oh, no, they don't." I'd like to think that if I ever get interviewed by the Chicago Tribune, I would not use any form of the word squish. But hey, you never know.

2:06 PM | allison | # |

Some nights I find the thought of going home to an empty apartment nearly unbearable. I want to get back in my car and drive to anywhere there are people. It makes me wonder if I expected too much from the ex-new Beau or wanted him because he was a warm body. It hurts, physically hurts to walk into the dark room and know that no one is there but me. To know that this is a choice I made; not because I wanted it, but because it is the right one for me now.

Nights like these I sit alone in the dark and don't answer the phone. I can't bear to watch television or even listen to a CD. I sit in quiet dark and wish I still smoked or had enough liquor to make the dark and the lonliness not seem so dark and lonely.

My only solace on nights like this is taking out my contacts early and letting the tears fall. I'll make piles of shredded and wadded kleenex that I'll leave until the morning to clean up. I'll leave empty bottles or glasses on the coffee table next to the book and magazines I pretnded to read.

These piles and empties and books will be my reminder in the morning that not all days end like this one.

9:45 PM | allison | # |

Cousins,
originally uploaded by allison.in.neverland.

8:38 AM | allison | # |

Carl and Allison at Hooters,
originally uploaded by allison.in.neverland.

8:38 AM | allison | # |

I know re-cap of the weekend posts are lame sometimes, but I had a really good weekend.

We rode a bus to the place that begins with a B and ends Pub. We drank. And drank. Can't you tell we were drinking?

This is my cousin, Jen. She's cool. Obviously. If you hadn't noticed, she's got a horn up her nose. She's a keeper, gentlemen. She can actually blow the horn with her nose. If that's not a skill for her resume, I don't know what is.

Jen and her nosehorn,
originally uploaded by allison.in.neverland.

After we finished drinking for the morning, we went to Chicago St. Patrick's Day Parade. And not to watch. Pssshhhaaww. That is for losers. We walked in it. With the Shillelagh Club. There were a total of three shillelaghs. Three. But people waved and cheered, so we waved and cheered back.

When we finished the parade route, which is a bit deceiving in the length, we almost got killed by our cabbie on the way back to the place that begins with a B and ends with Pub. Luckily, we didn't and were able to make a trip to the local Hooters, do a little more drinking, watch KU lose to OSU, freeze outside for an hour and then go home and to bed.

And that was just Saturday.

We also slept in too late to go to Stock Club, broke the yolks on over-easy eggs*, went to a boring rehearsal, played a lot of gin rummy, had dinner with my folks, watched Flawless, slept in again and watched a lot VH1, got lost in La Grange, saw The Aviator and The Jacket, skipped dinner and played Trival Pursuit SNL Edition, got all proud of Carl**, went to bed late and took a traffic-jammed trip to the airport this morning.

I need a vacation to recover from my mini-vacation. And all the drinking.

* I don't know why they call these eggs easy. Flipping without breaking the yoke is damn near impossible and not easy at all.

** He received some awesome news on the music front which I don't want to jinx, so don't ask. If something happens, you know I'll totally tell everyone I know.

8:37 AM | allison | # |

Ok. I know this is a tough one, but it is Blogoevich. Not Blojoevich.

Also, escalator. Not excalator.

And one more, just for good measure. I know you're from the south and have a bit of a drawl. But seriously. Yeahoo?

No.

Yahoo.

2:12 PM | allison | # |

I just put my earplugs in at work because two co-workers decided to have bagels with cream cheese for breakfast.

And listening to them eat has turned my stomach. Blech.

8:28 AM | allison | # |

I was just cleaning off my desk and I found this:

Is it just me, or does His right foot look a little...claw like?

Ed note: This postcard is from the local Lutheran Church, inviting me to the holiday service. Praise Jesus!

7:22 PM | allison | # |

The new Beau, while interesting, does not make me laugh.

And that's troublesome.

11:20 PM | allison | # |

I've been able to cross some things off the list.
And let me tell you - it feels tres good.

RE: Absent calls made - Rachel and Lauren. DONE.

RE: Iron. DONE.

RE: Change sheets and towels. DONE.

RE: Clean kitchen. DONE.

RE: Prescription - 3/1 5:30 PM. DONE.

9:01 AM | allison | # |